Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Balance, or Lack Thereof

I am a Libra. This is our symbol.

So naturally, I like balance.

Right now, I don't have any. My world = my kids and doesn't really extend beyond the walls of my home. Every day revolves around the kids, the house, the laundry, the cleaning, this mess and that mess, even the damn dog. And endless cycle of making a meal and cleaning it up.

I get it, that's my job. But my "life" is centered around my "job" as a stay at home mom. And that does not = Balance.

However, in addition to my need for balance in my life, I also have an unending desire to be very good at everything I do.

If I'm going to clean my house, I will not just tidy up, I will clean from top to bottom.

If I'm going to learn a new skill, I will master it.

If I'm going to educate myself on something, I want to be an expert.

It is this unquenching thirst for perfection that keeps me chasing my tail. And of course, perfection is a completely unattainable concept. That much, I know.

I have been home with the kid(s) for about 4.5 years now. That is to say, I have not had a job in 4.5 years. But I WORK. Believe me, I work.

In that time, I was entertained by the newness of momness, then entertained be re-pregnancy, new baby, sick baby, hospital baby, healthy baby, move to Key West, re-re-pregnancy, move back from Key West, new baby again, Monday through Friday single motherhood with three offspring, to now.

I am bored.

Not I-am-so-bored-I-have-nothing-to-do bored. Trust me, there are things to be done. But I am bored with those things.

What I used to do when I got bored like this was have another baby. That is sooooo not an option right now.

I am an intellectual, dare I say smart gal. I need some mental and personal growth darn it. And making some money wouldn't be half bad.

So, on my list of a zillion ways in which to grow myself are:

  • Continue yoga teacher training and get my 200 RYT (requires, you guessed it, 200 hours of training, of which I have currently completely 18 hours)

  • Go to college again. For what I don't know, and why I'm entertaining this idea considering I never used my first Bachelor's Degree is beyond me

  • Write a novel (good idea, but not enough instant gratification for the level of labor)

  • Write a non-fiction book about something I know lots about (see above writing idea)

  • Write magazine articles (have no clue how to go about this)

  • Start another blog about something I know lots about

  • Open a cupcake shop (which might make me hate cupcakes, which would make me sad)

  • Learn to sew, teach my kids to sew, and turn my home into a sweatshop from which we will sell the world's cutest items for babies and kids

  • Get a job (which I honestly couldn't afford the childcare to pull this one off).

I need to revolve a little of my world around something other than my children. Not all of my world, maybe just a moon or something.

Do y'all hear me on this?

Somebody? Anybody?


Nicole S said...

If you write magazine articles, I would totally read them and buy the magazine or subscribe via the internet to do so. Google how to do it, what a great idea! Also, I would suggest a delivery service with the cupcakes, like tonight, the cookie dough ones that you wrote about a few posts ago . . . mmmmm . . . oh and if you learn how to sew and start a sweatshop, I'd also order a few boy t-shirts's (size 12 months). Okay, get to it!! :-) And good luck with whatever you do!!!

Amber Greenawalt said...

I feel ya. I have really enjoyed taking photos but in a way it does ruin something your point about cupcakes. If it was at all practical and we could afford it I think I'd make a he'll of a doctor...wish I would have gone to school for that...but then how are any of to know which way are lives would go? Let me know what you figure out (my vote is for the mag articles) whatever you do you will do (because you are) great.

Michele said...

Wow, did you crawl inside my head and pull that out? Not that I want to bake cupcakes for life, but I am so there with ya. It seems like every single moment of every single day I am doing what I did the day before. And those rare days I deviate takes me that much longer the next day. If you find a solution please spread the word. Mommas everywhere would thank you. So maybe you need a self-help program. Desperate mothers from everywhere flocking to seminars and bookstores....But PLEASE provide childcare. :)