Dancing With Slightly Well-Known People

Disclaimer: The post I am about to write is going to take me way too much time and be entirely too lengthy. But still I persist on. Because I feel it’s my duty as an American.

I have a confession. I am a reality TV junkie.

I attribute it largely to the fact that not only are less and less non-reality shows being made, but the ones that ARE made seem to always be canceled. Think Kings, Lipstick Jungle, Privileged, Pushing Daisies…

So I have given up on them.

Enter Dancing With the Stars.

I love this show.

I am less than impressed with the new season of stars. I can barely call most of them that with a straight face.

I think it’s hilarious how each star had to introduce him or herself and then explain why they’re famous. Because without that explanation, we might very well be left wondering.


Chad OCHOCINCO!!! and Cheryl

I’ll be honest—Cheryl bugs the crap out of me. I liked her a lot when she was partnered with Drew Lachey, but then she got a little too cocky for the likes of me.

But there’s something about pairing Cocky Cheryl up with Cocky Chad that makes me wanna scream ME LIKEY!

I’m not exactly a Bengals fan, having a general aversion to Ohio due to the fact that so many annoying snowbirds invade my town from there every winter, but I really do like Chad. I think he’s a stellar player, I like his spunk and I mostly like the fact that he looked down at his jersey one day and thought “My jersey number in Spanish would make a super last name.”

And then had the guts to actually change his name.

He did a decent dance last night. So I really hope he sticks around. Even if it means Cheryl has to stick around with him.


Shannon and Mark

I am not her biggest fan. But I do like Mark. I thought her dance last night was a lot better than she was given credit for. So we’ll see.





Erin Andrews and Maks

I’ve always like Erin Andrews. I am a softy for women who are strong enough to take on a stereotypically male profession. It’s the tree hugging feminist in me. I was happy to see her paired up with Maks also because he is one of my favorites. I think they are a good match.

In rehearsal she kept correcting herself before Maks had the chance and I almost peed in my pants when Maks said, “My only pleasure in life is to bitch at people and you’re taking it away.”

I’m sure they will be around for a long time.



Jake and Chelsea

I suffered through a season of The Bachelor with this man. I watched him send home perfectly lovely and delightful women in order to instead propose to Vienna, the one we all love to hate. And now, just when I thought I was free of his hokey ass, he’s on DWTS.

So last night, he did the Viennese Waltz. An ode to his sweet Vienna, how charming. We watched him present his hot blonde partner Chelsea with not one, but two red roses a la The Bachelor. (I really wish they would have cut to a shot of Vienna during their little quasi rose ceremonies. She strikes me as the jealous type, fo sho.) He danced to Seal’s “A Kiss from a Rose.” And then, then as if all this wasn’t enough, rose petals came falling from the ceiling at the end of the dance.

Excuse me. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

I love Chelsea. Love her! But please, America. Please don’t vote for the Hokey.


Nicey Nash and Louis

I have watched an episode or 30 of the show Clean House, so I know who she is. Her frequent references to her “jiggly parts” were funny, and I’m glad she’s comfortable in her skin. But between her relatively unknown status and her partner Louis being one of the less popular professionals, I don’t see her sticking around too long.

Plus she kinda sucked.


Evan and Anna

Everyone loves an Olympian. Remember Kristi Yamaguchi’s stint on DWTS? I like him a lot, and I think he has a distinct advantage. Although he’s not a dancer, I think figure skating lends itself a lot to this show. You’re in good physical shape, you’re used to being coached, you’re used to learning choreography, and you’re used to performing. These are a lot of advantages.

But his partner Anna never seems to connect much with the audience. She has never garnered the following that Chelsea or Cheryl or Julianne have. So we’ll see.


Buzz Alderin and Ashly

It was a nice touch that he was introduced by astronauts.

Poor Ashly. I love her (even though she is totally missing a letter in her name) and remember her awful time with Master P on Season 2. Remember, he wouldn’t even wear dance shoes and danced in sneakers? Imagine that… She left, got married, had a baby, and now she’s back. And I really think they should have given her a celebrity with a shot in hell.

An 80 year old astronaut doesn’t have a shot in hell.

Adorable as he is, a shot in hell he has not.





Nicole and Derek

I think Derek is some sort of unfair advantage. He is so good, and hot, and funny, and downright popular that I think he’s one of the best partners to score.

And of course Derek scored Nicole, who is also hot and popular (remember it’s not always a given on DWTS that the stars really are stars). And of course she’s done music video dancing. I don’t care what the pop stars say about how pop dancing doesn’t prepare them for ballroom. It does. Hello? You’re already coordinated and used to learning and memorizing choreography. Sounds like much more advantageous of a pre-req than say, walking on the moon.






Aidan Turner and Edyta

I am rooting for Edyta so hard. I love her, I envy her, I think she’s great. She’s the only star to be on every season since the beginning, yet she’s never won. So I think it’s fitting that she scores a hot soap star for a partner.

Now I must admit, I had no clue who Aidan Turner was before last night. He’s on All My Children, and I’m a Days of Our Lives girl myself. Something tells me you won’t soon be seeing an NBC soap star on this ABC show… But he’s hot. And he has an Irish accent, which is always a plus.

Too bad he sucks at dancing.

Better luck next year Edyta.






Kate Gosselin and Tony

WTF is up with her hair? I know the reverse mullet was bad but the frizzy extensions don’t strike me as much of an improvement.

She was lousy. And thank goodness for that, cause maybe we won’t have to put up with her for long. Here’s to hopin’.


Pamela Anderson and Damian

That woman is a hot mess. But I think she did very well, especially considering her inexperience, her cougar status, and her life of hard livin’. So we shall see.


Predictions: I’m rooting for Chad, Erin and Nicole.


{images from abc.com}