The Bachelor

Hello, my name is Ashley, and I'm a Bachelor-aholic.

Hi, Ashley.

Don't ask me why, but I watch The Bachelor. (I've watched it since Season Two with Aaron Buerge--who is, incidentally, still single.) Each episode waits for me on my DVR every Tuesday, and every Tuesday I half way wonder why I still watch this ridiculous show.

And then it occurs to me--I watch it because it's ridiculous.

Jake annoys me. I hate his accent (I love southern accents, just not his), I hate his facial expressions, I hate that he stormed back like an ass on last season's The Bachelorette to tell Jillian secrets and lies. Assuming there were either secrets, or lies. Your guess is as good as mine.
But then, there are these girls. Or women, as Jake always refers to them. I'm sure ABC's casting call goes something like this:

Seeking gorgeous, shallow, catty women who want to compete for the heart of a pilot who is also gorgeous and shallow. Must be willing to be extremely nasty to fellow contestants. Desire to convincingly woo him and break up with him in a dramatic fashion shortly after the season finale preferred.

Last night he started with nine women who I can easily divide into two categories: Crazy and Crazier. I spent most of this last show cringing as some begged for him to keep him and others were literally throwing themselves at him. The lack of self-respect just astounds me...

I used to like Ali, but she is becoming increasingly, and uncomfortably bitchy, most notably to Vienna. I am no fan of Vienna's--by any means--but the only thing more disturbing than a catty bitch who talks about you behind your back is a catty bitch who talks about you to your face.

I have no idea who the heck Jake is going to pick, and my money is on their relationship being short lived. I don't know why people go on this show to find love since they have like a 3% success rate. AND you end up looking like an ass.

But last night, as I watched these desperate women do and say desperate things in an attempt to win over this desperate man, I had an epiphany.

Up until this point, my dreams for my daughter included her to be kind, charitable, smart, attend a good college, and to know the value of a hard work and perseverance.

I have simplified.

Now, my goal in life is for her to be smart enough to never, ever apply to be on The Bachelor. I feel that in this, I will have succeeded as a mother.

Anything else will be a bonus.