Farrah, Michael, and My (Sister's) Cat Meemers

My father hates cats. As long as I can remember, his fervent hatred of them has been a major part of things I would use to describe him. Loves to fish, really knows everything about everything, has no qualms about eating expired foods, hates cats.

The summer I was 14 my sister decided to get a cat. Diana was in college but still living at home. I don't know how the circumstances came about, but one Sunday we ended up driving to a trailer park that I want to say was somewhere on Marco Island. I know it was a long drive... This lady was selling pure bread Persian kittens, but they didn't have papers so they were cheap.

We fell in love with this white one. I remember thinking this was a really, monumentally stupid idea to bring this cat home, but we paid the $50 and loaded her into my sister's white Chevy Cavalier.

I said to Diana on the way home, "Dad is going to be really mad, and when he is you better not say to me, 'Ash, maybe we should take her back.' " She was beautiful--perfectly white with stunning blue eyes. We named her Mindy. She hated the car.

We walked in the door with the kitten and past my mother sitting in the living room. She looked for a second like she couldn't believe her eyes, and then the freaking out began.

It was a lot of her saying "You can't have a cat!" and my dad saying, "I'm going to use it as fish bait." Tears and crying on our parts, natch.

And sure enough, my sister buckled under the pressure and said, "Ash, maybe we should take her back."

My sister called the lady we bought Mindy from the next day who told us she'd take her back but she couldn't return the money for a couple of days. If it weren't for the assumption that we'd get ripped off of our $50, Mindy probably would have been returned to her trailer park.

Instead, for reasons beyond my utter comprehension, my parents let us keep her. My sister was moving to Gainesville for college at the end of the summer, and she was to take "our" cat with her. That was profoundly sad for me, but at least we got to keep her.

Fast forward a lot of years, and my sister had a son. He was allergic to cats. By that time, we had Mike, our German Shepard, and Jack, our now deceased Jack Russell Terror, er I mean Terrior who was diabolical to say the least, so she couldn't live with me. So, she went from a house cat to lanai cat who loved it, and eventually became an outside cat. A declawed, pure white, outdoor Persian cat that milled about the streets.

And she loved it.

She was known as the neighborhood cat, and we called her the alley cat. She had an array of favorite bushes she would nap under, and was often caught drinking out of the gutters and swimming pools. It was so strange to see such a fancy looking cat roaming the streets. But she did, like she owned them.

Mindy was probably never ever actually called Mindy. We are a family of nicknamers, and she quickly went from Mindy to Mimi to Meemers. I actually have to think really hard if someone asks me her real name, cause Meemers pops right up in my head.

Meemers passed away today. My sister's father-in-law (a veterinarian) says it was likely a heart attack that claimed her. My best estimate of a foggy mind ages her at about 14 years.

She will forever have the distinction of going to heaven on the same day as Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. I can almost see her sitting with them now, getting yelled at for trying to drink out of God's swimming pool.

I don't imagine there are gutters in heaven. But in Meemers' heaven, there might be.

'Til Death--or Reality TV--Do Us Part

There used to be a time where I really loved watching Jon and Kate Plus 8.

Back when they lived in the normal house with the fugly green carpet and Kate wore clothes that all normal stay-at-home moms wear, I remember hoping that this show would go on forever so I could see those kids grow up.

I can remember exactly the moment I realized its metamorphosis from cute show into money-making machine--when the episode aired of them moving into their McMansion.

That episode really pissed me off.

Sure, the episode after episode of free trip here after free trip there, those were clues pointing at Money-Making Machine status. I guess I was in denial...

On the season finale a couple of weeks after the McMansion Moving In episodes, as Jon proclaimed he didn't want to do the show any more and Kate dissented that she did, I thought for sure that would be the end of it. First, I feel like it's run its course as a relevant and enjoyable show and it's time for it to go. After all, the 'tups are going to Kindergarten here soon and what in the world are those camera crews going to tape? Second, what kind of wife keeps forcing her husband along a path that he's obviously uncomfortable with?

But, back it came. And inexplicably, I continued to watch.

As the news of their rocky marriage broke a few weeks back, the show obviously displayed their inability to breathe the same air, and it has literally become painful for me to watch.

I sit there, unable to take my eyes of this train wreck, and I have a pit in my stomach. I put myself in that position as a wife in a failing marriage. I put myself in that position as a mother whose kids are about to watch their parents split up. My sympathy for her literally makes me a little sick.

There is something about them each sitting alone in that interview chair. It's so... wrong. Their banter is gone, and even if it came along with Kate's "love taps" you could tell they were a happy couple, albeit stressed from raising small children. And not to mention how annoying it is to listen to two people tell the same story at different times.

Watching her spend her birthday alone hurt my heart. Her kids are 8 and 5--they know that Daddy should be around for Mommy's birthday. I couldn't help but wonder what they were thinking.

And now, unless you live under a rock, you know they are divorcing.

To see this extremely private matter handled on television is horrific to me. To see Kate, obviously raw with the pain of her failure, and to see Jon, obviously flippant about his, makes me feel like a voyeur. This is a part of someone's life that we should not be witnessing. I feel like watching a couple go through a divorce is akin to watching pornography--it just ain't right.

After seeing all the previews, I anticipated that last night's show would be announcing their separation. I also wrongly anticipated this would be the end of the show. I am shocked--absolutely shocked--that they are going to continue on.

Kids generally don't handle divorce very well. They have eight of them, so the odds are that they are going to be dealing with at least a couple of kids reeling from the split of his or her parents. As a mother, as a parent, I cannot imagine putting my kids in front of a camera during a life changing transition like this. Really.

(As a side note, Mady is going to grow up to hate her parents. Every time we see her on the show she is an outbursting display of immature tantrums, set next to calm, cool and collected Cara. I am predicting she will end up in therapy over this.)

I think we can all agree Kate's a bit of a bitch. I don't pass judgement on her for this because I have my moments. And if you try to tell me that you don't have moments, I will call you a liar. And if anyone, even Mother Teresa, was followed 24/7 by a camera crew, I'm sure there'd be enough moments to paste together a pretty unsavory picture. I can't imagine what kind of shrew I would be if I had eight kids that age.

As for Jon, he would never be leaving his wife if they weren't loaded rich. They simply wouldn't be able to afford it. How would he pay child support for his eight children without a reality TV paycheck or his half (since they're married) of his wife's lucrative book deals? I distinctly remember a show where they said they would never get divorced. I think the topic of affording it was brought up, and that they were in it together for life. I think the judge should dig up that tape and use it as grounds to refuse their divorce.

For some insane reason, I feel sad for these people like they are my friends. I guess it's because they opened their home up to the world, and honestly because of this I know more about them that I do know about some of my friends.

I wish they would get over themselves and shut off the cameras. Get real jobs, and focus on raising your beautiful children.

At least that's what I would tell them if they were my friends.