Ask Ashley - Sympathy vs. Empathy

It has recently been brought to my attention that it has been many months since I have posted an "Ask Ashley" question. So here goes...

Dear Ashley,

Since you're good with grammar, I figured I'd ask. What is the difference between sympathy and empathy? I never know which one to use, so I never use either.

Thanks,
Katie

Ah, Katie, I sympathize. It's tough getting ensnared in the enigmatic English language. I will try to simplify it for you.

Sympathy is for when you are talking about feelings that you yourself have not or are not experiencing. For example, "I offer my sympathy for the loss of your mother." Or "I am sympathetic to the plight of the people in Haiti."

Empathy is better used when you've "been there" yourself. "I empathize with you--I had Professor Smith's class last semester and he's a really tough teacher." Or, "I empathize about how miserable wearing a cast is. I had to wear one last year when I broke my leg."

I hope that helps!

Gotta question? Email steppedonalego at gmail dot com.

Ask Ashley - Naughty Nick and Nate

Dear Ashley:

I've got a question Nicholas (who will be 3 next month) will see Nathan (17 months) doing something wrong and imitate him, even though he knows it's naughty. For instance, last night I was giving them a bath and Nathan starts splashing like crazy, so Nicholas joins in. I get them to stop, and then it starts again. I am soaked, as is half the bathroom. Another example, Nathan climbs on the coffee table and as I'm trying to get him down, Nicholas does the same, even though he knows better. I'm not sure how to discipline them because they're both doing the same naughty thing, but Nicholas understands time-out and consequences (like no books). Nathan still has no clue. Is it fair to discipline the one and not the other? And how do I get Nicholas to stop imitating Nathan's naughty behavior? I figured since you have two boys with about the same age space you might be able to help!

Lisa

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Okay, whoever labeled it the "Terrible Two's" must have never had a three year old. Three year olds are way, way more misbehaved than two year olds. And they're smarter, which just leads them to more trouble. So strap in for the ride my friend.

Second, YES, it is absolutely fair to discipline one and not the other! You said it yourself--Nicholas knows he's doing something wrong. He learned that splashing in the tub and climbing on the coffee table were wrong probably when he was 17 months like his brother. So it's not fair to punish Nathan for things he is only not learning are wrong. Nicholas knows better and therefore should be punished. That said, you're nearing the time that Nathan can go into time out--I think Mason was 18 months when we started.

As to how to stop the imitation... I would bet Nicholas is acting out for attention. You are a busy mom (is there any other kind?) and he sees Nathan being naughty and garnering your attention for it. Even negative attention is attention. I would probably try to set aside some time each day only for Nicholas and you and/or Nicholas and daddy. Start now because (knowing you're pregnant with another baby) it's only going to get worse! My general rule of thumb is that when kids are behaving badly it's a cry for attention. Try it and see what happens. Good luck!


Gotta question? Email steppedonalego[at]gmail dot com.

Ask Ashley - Sh*t Stinks

Our next installation of 'Ask Ashley' comes from a repeat customer.

Dear Ashley,

Do you use a diaper genie? If so, how do you keep the house from smelling like a dirty diaper? If you don't, ummm, how do you keep the house from smelling like a dirty diaper? Thanks!

Nicole

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Attention all new moms: Do not, I repeat DO NOT register for any type of diaper disposal system. It is a waste of money and ranks right up there with the uselessness of wipe warmers and bottle sterilizers.

Once your baby is on solid food, I'll be blunt--the sh*t stinks. And trust me, there is no man made contraption that is going to contain the aroma. These companies that make Diaper Genie, Diaper Champ, Diaper Decor (that's my favorite named one, BTW as if it's from Pottery Barn or something) they are out there to take your money. They know we mothers deal in a lot of crap and will pay good money to make it easier. But it's not. If someone can find a way to invent and actual genie to come and dispose of diapers, now we're talking about money well spent.

As for how to keep your house from smelling like a dirty diaper--you need Publix/Target/Walmart bags, and lots of them. I have a small trash can in my garage that I throw all the diapers in. Before tossing them out there, I tie the ripe ones up in a plastic bag (sorry environment, I love you, I really do, but I love my sense of smell more). Each night the diaper can gets emptied into the outside can along with the kitchen trash. If your outside trash is close and convenient enough (mine is not) skip the mini can middle man.

I know this sounds like a pain, but trust me, there is nothing out there, absolutely nothing, that can contain the odor once a baby is on solid food. And keep in mind you're not changing diapers nearly as often as you were during the newborn phase. Your other option is to keep the Diaper Genie for pee diapers and only toss the stinkers outside. BUT I will caution you--if your Genie is already reeking, ain't nothing going to get the smell out. Once it starts stinking I swear it's ingrained in the plastic or something. Toss it and invest in a new one.

That's just what the Diaper Genie company was hoping you'd do!

Gotta question? Email steppedonalego[at]gmail dot com.

Ask Ashley - VBACs

There are those of you out there who love c-sections, think they are the greatest way to give birth ever--the bees knees, if you will.

If you are one of those people, click the little x at the top right corner of your screen, 'cause this post is not for you.

Today's question:

Hey Ashley,

I have a question. Who was your OB/GYN that "allowed" you to have a VBAC? I have a lot of friends and my sister that want to try it but can't find a Dr that will agree to it. Thanks for the advice. Keep them commin'.

Miranda

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Ahhhhhh..... the age old "how can I find a doctor who will permit me to use my vagina as it was intended" inquiry. (Sorry if it's crass to use the big "V", but it is what it is.) God made our bodies to function a certain way, but doctors have grown themselves a God complex. You have to remember, doctors are also businesspeople. This is their livlihood and they have to find a way to make money. Being as this is America and he have the whole capitalism thing going, when people find a way to make money they like to do more of it. Doctors are no exception. C-sections take up less of their time, are obviously more predicable than vaginal delivery AND doctors charge more money for them (as much as 30% more!). Add to that the health care climate in our nation and the fact that we like to sue our doctors every chance we get, and doctors don't have any real motiviation to attend VBACs anymore. (Disclaimer: I know some doctors aren't bad, but for my purposes--Guilt by association).

Only in America is the surgical birth rate (a.k.a. c-section rate) approaching the 40% mark.

I covered in my previous "Ask Ashley" that it was Dr. Crandall (the son) who attended my VBAC. Dr. Crandall (the father) will as well, as will Dr. Heitmann, or so I'm told. It is not as simple as just finding a doctor who "claims" he will agree to a trial of labor. A lot of times doctors will use the "bait and switch" routine--tell you what you want to hear, and then when you're 39 weeks and dying to pop that eight pounder out, they start dangling a c-section in front of you like it's food to a starving man. YOU have to decide. Then, you must commit and persist.

Full disclosure: Mason was a vaginal delivery. My second, Cole, was my c-section. So I had a very big point on my side with my VBAC fight that I've already had a vaginal delivery.

If your friends or sister are serious about VBAC, they should know that they are in for a fight. I fully believe it is a fight worthy fighting. There are a few important keys.

1. Educate yourself. Nothing scares doctors more than women who know what they're talking about. Doctors are basically smart people who have read books. You can read books too and know what they know and aren't telling you. Read all you can read about VBAC and its risks. Also read about c-sections and their risks (cause they are plentiful) and decide for yourself which is the set of risks you'd rather undertake. I recommend all women who are pregnant or thinking of becoming pregnant to read Pushed by Jennifer Block. It's a bit heavy at times, but eye opening as to what how women have been lead along like cattle when it comes to childbirth. Keep in mind as you read all these risks, opinions, stories, etc. that even first time women delivering vaginally have risks. Nothing is 100% safe and without risks. Nothing worth having ever is.

2. Have the people around you on your side. When you are in labor, in the throes of pain and agony, the last thing you need is someone trying to sway you towards what they want. This is about you. YOUR experience. If your mother-in-law is against it, thinks it's too risky, don't tell her. Call her when you're holding your baby in your arms. If your husband is against it, make him understand. The bottom line is, it's your body and people need to respect your wishes for it. Have someone with you that knows your desire for VBAC and will stick up for you when you can't stick up for yourself. If someone needs me and they live in Naples, I will be that person. I feel THAT strongly about VBAC and helping people achieve it. It's my gift to my daughter to empower her, and I do that by empowering other women. I don't want her to grow up and give birth in a world where all babies are sliced out of their mothers.

I could go on and on about this, and even venture into reasons behind and ways to avoid a primary c-section, which would of course make the VBAC issue a moot point. But I suppose that's another post, should it happen that someone wants to hear my rant about that, too.

I don't judge people who elect to have c-sections for whatever reason. It is, after all, not my body. But I do judge the doctors and that fact that their methods, greediness, and misleading ways are leading women down the wrong path. Knowledge is power and a lot of people lack the power because they lack the knowledge.


Gotta question? Email steppedonalego[at]gmail dot com.

Ask Ashley - Night Walker

Dear Ashley:

I am stumped -- maybe you have some advice for me about my 4.5 year old who wakes up at night and sneaks out of his room. He knows he is not supposed to come out of his room before 7, but he sometimes gets up in the middle of the night (he woke up at 2:11 on Tuesday). He comes into the office and plays on the computer or watches TV, sometimes he has a snack. He never wakes anyone up, so we don't know that he's up until we wake up in the morning. We have tried locking his door, but that creates potty problems. I have resorted to turning off the computer and hiding the remotes, but that doesn't seem like the real solution. Having him roam the house at night makes me nervous -- he could get hurt and I'd never even know. He needs to learn to stay in his room, but how?

Thanks,
Ellen

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Hmmm, that is a predicament. My first thought was "Lock that boy in his room!" but I can see how that would be a potty access situation. Maybe if you get a chain long enough to reach the potty and tether him to his bed? Kidding!

In all seriousness, I suppose it stands to reason that even kids get insomnia sometimes. I think instead of figuring out how to stop him you must first figure out why he's doing it.

Is there a reason he might not be sleeping well at night anymore, maybe he saw something scary and is having dreams? Does he still nap during the day? Maybe try cutting out drinks two hours before bedtime to prevent potty wakings? Could this be a cry for some sort of attention or do you think he really just wants to watch TV and play computer games?

Assuming you don't think the problem is one of the above and you don't suspect any sort of health issues...

Have you asked him why he gets up in the middle of the night? If you have, I'm going to assume he responds, "I want to play on the computer and watch TV." My first try would be to explain to him that he is not allowed to do that in the middle of the night. Explain that it's important to get enough sleep and the sun goes down to tell us it's time for sleep. I always use the "so you can be big and strong" health reasoning.

If he still gets up after you've told him he's not allowed, it's time for consequences. He is old enough to understand that his behavior is against the rules. This of course must be tailored to each kid because what one thinks is punishment another might consider reward. If it's the computer he wants, don't allow him to play with it following a middle of the night rendezvous. Or put his favorite toy in "time out" for the day.

Also, I think you need to catch him in the act. I'd suggest borrowing some baby monitors from friends and putting one in his room, one in your office and maybe even on in the kitchen. This way maybe you'll hear him and be able to get him back to bed sooner. And when you do hear him, shuttle him right back to bed with no pomp and circumstance. Perhaps if he realizes the middle of the night isn't all fun and games he won't bother himself with getting out of bed anymore.

Lastly, the next time you're at the pediatrician with one of your kids I would run it by him/her. They are a whole wealth of knowledge on quirky kid behavior and might have some helpful suggestions.

Good luck with your little "night owl!"


Gotta question? Email steppedonalego[at]gmail dot com.

Ask Ashley - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Dear Ashley,

My baby is seven months old. Recently, I have noticed I am losing a lot of hair. A lot. I have heard of this hair loss phenomenon, but what can I do to stop it! At this rate I feel like I will be bald soon!

Signed,
Stephanie

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Dear Stephanie,

This is a situation we all go through postpartum. Yet another downside to being a woman!

Your hair loss, like most of the world's ailments--can be attributed to hormones. Hormones have the highest of highs and the lowest of lows!

Here's the deal--normal people lose about 100 hairs a day (this was confirmed through Dr. Oz, who is the Master of the Universe, I am convinced). Whether it's when you're washing it, combing it, running freely in the wind down the beach with your locks bouncing behind you... about 100 strands a day fall out. When you're pregnant, many women note how thick and lovely their hair has become--part of that whole pregnancy hormones induced beauty boost. It's not that anything has happened to your hair to make it better, per se, but you no longer lose as many hairs during pregnancy so it is a lot thicker.

Somewhere around 4-6 months post partum, your body gets the message that the hormones have abandoned ship and you start to shed like a dog. Ruff. And Rough.

Stop it? Well you can't. Like a bad rash, it's just something that has to run its course. Some people go through it quickly, but it sometimes lasts up to a year post partum.

Point in case--me. I am still losing a lot of hair and Lila is 13 months old. I am being patient about this predicament, mostly because I have bigger fish to fry at the moment. My friends and I like to stand around and compare bald spots, thin patches and short spikey pieces of regrowth. It's just another lovely change your body goes through during your metamorphosis into a mother.

Now, all post partum women have a period of hair loss, but if you get to the point where you're 12-15 months postpartum and still shedding worse than a Labrador in June, you might want to talk to your doctor. A simple blood test could tell you if there's a problem with your thyroid that is causing the hair loss. Thyroid problems are common, and in new moms they often go overlooked since the main symptoms are weight issues and feeling tired. Find me a new mom without those symptoms and there's a Dairy Queen Blizzard in it for ya.

And my last note of caution--if you have long hair (like me until about 6 weeks ago!) be careful of all of your shed strands of hair. Little ones are usually starting to crawl around this age and hairs can get tangled around their digits (sometimes fingers, but more likely toes) and cause real circulation issues. Especially if you wash everyone's laundry together, sometimes your hair can get in the feet of PJs. And take special caution with little boys! Penises are not immune to the hair wrap issues, so be wary of that as well. I am a very frequent vacuumer (critics might call it obsessive, but hey) and pretty much every day I'm having to free some strands of hair from Lila's toes.

Gotta question? Email steppedonalego[at]gmail dot com.

Ask Ashley - Laying off the Sauce

Today's Question:

Dear Ashley,

As a mom, I need suggestions on how to stay sane, preferably without crazy pills or alcohol.

Jen

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Your question is short, sweet and to the point. I like it!

Okay, well, first and foremost, I think it's important to remember that all moms have these moments. Even if your friends seemingly have it all together, whose children are well-behaved in public, who say "please" and "thank you", those who have the clean homes, and even those who cook gourmet meals seven night a week... Their appearances say that they're great, perfect mothers, deserving of some sort of Nobel price.

But what they really deserve is an Oscar. Cause I assure you, it's all an act.

Never let those moms fool you, cause underneath the Bree van De Kamp facade, they are just as unhinged as you.

None of us are perfect and we all struggle. Some of us are just a little more open about it. I think one of the greatest disservices mothers do to other mothers is to pretend that things are better than they are. We see these moms, we read their blogs about how wonderful their children are, we see pictures of them with a perfect face of makeup as they execute an intricate art project, we hear recounts of their apple pie with homemade crust. You can almost hear the theme song to "Leave it to Beaver" in the background. And it makes you want to grab some pearls so you can try to be like June, too.

But you're not. And you know what, neither is your perfect-looking friend. Deep down her kids are driving her bananas, she's dying for a nap, her skin is screaming for a break from the makeup, and she is getting fat from eating the apple pie.

So, my first piece of advice: cut yourself some slack. There are only so many hours in the day, and if you're feeling like you need to hit the bottle to cope, you are probably trying to fit in too much. Go back to basics. When we were kids, our parents didn't shuttle us to a zillion playdates, library storytimes, karate, dance, gymnastics, paint your own pottery, and underwater basket weaving lessons. Stay home more and just enjoy your kids instead of taking your kids places to enjoy other things. All they really want it you, anyway. You have to listen to their cues--when I see a kid having a meltdown in the store checkout line, I know that kid needs either a meal or a nap. And when I see a kid with a streak of bad behavior, more times than not he just wants attention from his parents, be it good or bad. I'd put money on it. Your kids will pester the crap out of you if they aren't getting the proper amount of attention. Sometimes just listening to them for a few minutes can abate the endless refrain of "Mommy? Mommy! Mommy... Mommy!!??!!?!?!" (And you might even get lucky and they'll say something funny. Like today when Mason pointed to the word "Play" on his shirt and said, "That's what makes the show turn on." : ) He has no idea what the word is, but he knows it's next to the triangle button that makes the TV show go. )

Second, and this goes a little bit against my last paragraph, it's important to carve out time for yourself. Yes, your kids need truckloads of attention, and you should give it to them. But also do one random act of kindness for yourself every day. Whether it's exercise, a healthy meal, a long bath, reading a good book, or even a fancy homemade cup of coffee. As important as it is to be involved with your kids, you have to take time out to remember that you are, after all, an adult! But when your son starts chucking train tracks at his little brother's head, it's time to put the coffee down and forget mommy time for the day. I speak from experience on this one.

The old me had my priorities all screwed up. I used to make sure everyone and everything else was taken care of before I did things for me like daily exercise, showering, taking a book break during naptime, etc. Now, after the kids are fed and dressed for the day we hit the gym. I leave the breakfast dishes in the sink and the beds unmade. (Trust me, it was a major feat for me to make this concession!) But it dawned on me that people rarely see the inside of my house, but they see me everyday. And the baby weight carrying, no makeup wearing, anxiety ridden me was an abomination that wasn't worth seeing. So now I put my children's basic needs first like keeping them fed, healthy and clean, and after that I workout, shower and put at least a minimal amount of makeup on so I can feel good about myself. Still, everything manages to get done somehow.... Do I make it to as many playdates as I used to? Nope. Am I able to hang out with friends as often? Nope. Am I a lot less crazy now that I pay attention to my kids and myself before the chores and everyone else? Absolutely.

Life has become more about doing things and less about getting things done.

And to conclude, I highly recommend yoga. In fact, I can't recommend yoga enough. There's a reason that BKS Iyengar is 90-something years old and still in better shape than most Americans, but I digress. Not only is it a great physical workout, it improves flexibility and balance (so when you're an old biddy you won't be as likely to fall and break a hip), and it also forces you to relax and focus on yourself.

I think of it as a natural version of crazy pills and alcohol.

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Gotta questions? Email steppedonalego[at]gmail dot com.

Ask Ashley - The Fiesty Fashionista

Today's question....

Dear Ashley,

My problem of the moment is that Ava (who is three years old) likes to change clothes, and changing an outfit once or twice a day is no big deal, but she’s changing on AVERAGE about 8 times a day. Her room is getting out of control because she throws everything out of her laundry bin every day to see what she has in there thereby creating a messy room (which I DO NOT like). I hang everything up which you’d think would make it out of reach, but she’s too clever for that--she either pulls the item down and breaks the hanger (which is also annoying) or she has figured out to wheel in the computer chair and stand on that to get her clothes down. Now this girl loves clothes so I don’t want to stiffen that, I actually think clothes are her toys, but at the same time I can’t be cleaning her room all the time or doing all of her laundry that she’s producing.

Tired of the messy room and endless laundry,
Tonya

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So Miss Ava loves fashion--I can relate! But girl, you need to put the smack down on that child!! And no, I don't mean actually smack her a la Kate Gosselin. I mean smack down as in a decisive defeat. There is enough laundry in the world without creating an unnecessary excess. After all, I am fairly certain that once laundry hits the hamper, it breeds.

There are several things I would try, starting with:

Reason. Tell her that she may not do this with her clothes because it makes a mess. Also explain to her that she must treat her clothes with respect. You pay money for them (a concept that might be beyond her, but still) and she needs to be nice to them. Clearly leaving them strewn about the room is not being nice to them.

Also, maybe let her choose two outfits (three if you're feeling generous) to change in and out of each day. This way she can "play" without having an endless supply of threads. You could also reward her with "credits" for good behavior that she can use to "buy" a new outfit from the closet.

Punishment. If she disobeys you, she must be punished. This is very unique for each child. What gets to her? What makes her madder than mad? For Mason, it's revoking TV priviliges. For Cole, the mere threat of time out puts him in line. You have to tailor punishment to your child. Maybe in Ava's case, making her wear a plain outfit of your choosing will make her think twice about being disrespectful to her clothes.

Restriction. If reason and punishment fail, get a door lock for the closet. Are they bi-fold doors? Try these. Are they standard doors? Try these if they're round knobs and these if they're lever style handles.

Divert. Maybe buy her coloring books with clothing or dress up themes. Ask her to draw and design her own outfits on a blank piece of paper. Turn her love of clothes into a fun, imaginative exercise that doesn't involve the actual clothing (or you cleaning them up!!). Maybe a toy like these Snap N Style dolls (which I think are so cute!) would be fun to her.

If she does make a mess despite any of the above tactics, make her clean it up! Every. Single. Piece. Of. Clothing. If it takes you an hour to sit there and supervise, if you have to put her in time out a zillion times to get cleaning cooperation, she is old enough to restore her clothes to the proper hanger, drawer, or laundry basket. Do this enough times and it might not seem so fun to throw them all over the place anymore!

I hope you are soon on your way to a neat and tidy room! Good luck!



Gotta question for me? (I really am becoming increasingly convinced that I do know everything. LOL) Email steppedonalego[at]gmail dot com.

Ask Ashley - Question #1

Well, I am happy to say the response for advice was great! I guess it's a true testament to the fact that we all have problems. ; ) I'm still tinkering with a name for my new advice feature (you are welcome to make a suggestion) but Rey insists that it cannot be called "Ask Ashley" due to some Nickelodeon sketch from his younger years that annoys him to this day. Apparently it starred Amanda Bynes...

Anyway, our first question is for Naples locals from a Naples local:

Ashley,

I have a question on your top recommended OB/GYN and pediatrician in Naples. Also, I know that you are a stay at home mom, lucky!, but do you have any recommendations on day care? I don't want anything full time, maybe three days a week for a few hours a day.

Take care!
- Nicole
www.sponsellerfamily.blogspot.com

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Nicole,

You have hit upon one of my favorite topics--local doctors! Throughout my three pregnancies, I have been a patient of nine, count 'em NINE OB/GYNs. Four of them retired during or after the time I was a patient, two of those started practicing again but currently don't deliver babies, and two of the nine in particular I will never, ever, ever see again inasmuch as I'd deliver my baby alone in a rice patty before going to them for medical care.

On top of my personal experience with the doctors, I also make a point to solicit opinions from the Labor and Delivery nurses at the Birth Place. They work with these men and women and get to know them well, and you'll do well by seeing the doctors that a lot of them go to themselves.

My favorite of all nine that I've seen is, hands down, Dr. Blane Mitchell Crandall, not to be confused with Dr. Blane Milton Crandall who is his father. Unfortunately, for reasons that I understand but am still very saddened by, he has gone into concierge practice. (For those of you who live in the real world a.k.a. not Naples, concierge medicine is where patients pay a retainer, usually in the thousands of dollars, for the privilege of being a patient in the doctor's practice. Then, you are billed medical fees on top of that. Most do no accept insurance, but you are of course able to submit your fees to your insurance company who will probably pay you their out-of-network amount which probably doesn't amount to much.) Anyway, he is seriously, hands down, without a doubt unequivocally the best OB/GYN in town. In my not-so-humble opinion.

For me, my second choice would be his father who is still in regular practice. He is a good doctor, but also my personal reasoning for this is because he does VBACs, and I am very strongly adamant about supporting doctors who support women's choices in childbirth. FYI-He does not accept Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance.

Another stellar option is Dr. Foley. He is personable and very one-on-one with his patients (Read: he has no partners so you're not passed around from doctor to doctor like you're a number instead of a living, breathing human being.) I think it's important for your doctor to see you as a person first and a patient second. Again, bringing my personal opinions into this, I don't go to him solely because he doesn't do VBACs, and I can't in good conscience give my money to a doctor who doesn't. If that doesn't bother you (and I'm sure it doesn't bother most), Dr. Foley is a great choice. I have met him and really like him a lot.

Pediatricians: Dr. Wilson, hands down. First an foremost, he's a great doctor, which is obviously the most important factor. His office has a very small town feel, almost like you're getting concierge service but without the hefty price. His office staff is phenomenal, and it doesn't matter how good of a doctor you are, if your office staff sucks it will drag you down. Everytime I call with a sick child, I get an appointment within hours. The time Mason got bonked in the head with a toy and had a goose egg the size of Pluto (is Pluto still a planet? I think it got downgraded), they told me to come right in and he was seen within minutes. He has Saturday morning hours, from 9am to noon. This is fabulous because babies don't hold off to get sick during the week when it's more convenient. AND he does what no other pediatrician in town does--puts his cell phone number on his office voice mail (of course expecting responsible use of it!), takes emergency calls in the middle of the night, and tells you to never, ever go to the ER. His two nurses know me by name and remember everything about all three of my kids. I read on your blog that you had to wait an eternity for your current pediatrician--I have never ever, even when I was being squeezed in with a sick child, waited longer that 30 minutes. My wait time is usually around 5-10 minutes. He only accepts patients once a year or so, and only for a couple of weeks. It just so happens that I was there three weeks ago and he said he was taking new patients for a while, so if you're interested call ASAP. If you can't get in with him, he's recently hired a partner, Dr. Najm, and she is also pretty stellar. Most of my friends who don't take their kids to Dr. Wilson take them to Dr. Najm.

On to day care... I know your son is not quite one year old. It's hard to find part-time for kids under two years old. But the Village School at North Naples United Methodist has a great program for infants. They do have part time programs--either Monday, Wednesday, Friday or Tuesday, Thursday. There might be a waiting list so call as soon as you can for a tour. After he turns two I would recommend Vanderbilt Presbyterian, of course. ; ) Second only to how much you like and feel comfortable with a child care center is location. Location, location, location! You do not want to spend your precious child free time driving to and fro. So stick close to home.

Another option would be to find a friend who stays home with her child. Don't be afraid to solicit people and offer to pay them for part-time care. A lot of people would love to make a little extra money by doing this. It could be a win-win for both of you. And for those of you out there considering taking on a charge for a little extra money, if you can find someone who's close in age to your child it's really not much more work. Helpful, in fact, since they start to entertain each other! Don't be afraid to think outside the box.

I hope that helps!

~Ashley

Keep the questions coming! Email steppedonalego[at]gmail dot com if you've got a question!

Ask Ashley

Anybody want some advice?

I feel like I know a lot, and wouldn't it be terribly selfish of me to keep all my knowledge to myself? So I'm tinkering with the idea of having an advice feature around here. I am thinking up clever names, but in the meantime I need to solicit some questions.

Things I Know A Lot About:

• Babies
• Kids
• Kids and Babies
• Baby Products
• Kid Products
• Baby and Kid Products
• Breastfeeding
• Pregnancy
• Childbirth, all the various methods!
• Baking
• The written word
• Most things girly, i.e. hair, makeup, products galore
• Local area doctors (I am very opinionated in this arena)

Things on which my knowledge is a work in progress:

• Being Crafty
• Sewing
• Spinning, running, yoga and weight training
• Photography
• Cooking

Feel free to posture questions outside of the aforementioned arenas. If I don't know the answer, I promise I can figure it out!

SO C'MON! Hit me with your best shot and let's see what I can come up with. Email me at steppedonalego[at]gmail dot com.