Sunday, April 18, 2010

APBs - Acquired Preschool Behaviors

We as stay-at-home parents relish in the fact that for a certain number of years were are able to raise our children with no influences from the outside world. Being with one's children 24/7 gives certain advantages, such as knowing what food they're eating and keeping them away from the undesirable influences of other nasty little children with biting habits or the like.

But then, someone along age 3, preschool seems like a wonderful idea. And we stay-at-home parents remain as such, but our lovely little offspring head to be handled by someone else for a few hours each week.

And as such, we are not longer in control of their perfect little environment, where they eat healthy foods because they don't realize that other kids are allowed to drink soda, which you've always told them in a grown-up drink, like beer, and whiskey.

And they befriend other little boys and girls, some of whom are rambunctious and have nasty little habits of saying things like "Awesome!" and "Great!" in a sarcastic fashion when their will is not met.

I call these Acquired Preschool Behaviors. Also knows as APBs.

Not at day that goes by, not a day, where one of the boys doesn't say or do something that makes us say, "Where in the world did they learn that?" Sometimes I ask, and Mason is such a forthright little child that he'll flat out tell me where he picked up whatever annoying or endearing behavior he was just displaying.

Most notable APBs:

  • Reminding us that "Stupid is a bad word." Listen, I understand all the reasons we might not want our young little cherubs wielding the word stupid. But who is the stupid person that came up with the brilliant idea to tell them "Stupid is a bad word." Do we say, "F$%k is a bad word"? NO. We simply say, "We don't say that." So then the little children take delight in reminding the world, at every possible opportunity that stupid is, in fact, a bad word. So when say, someone's mother is struggling a great struggle to get a certain new toys out of the jaws of death that is toy packaging these days, and she utters "Why can't I get this stupid thing out?", she might not have her frustration added to by her five year old reminding her that "Stupid is a bad word." It's not like I, er I mean, she was dropping the f-bomb.

  • Thinking that every day is an occasion for Chuck-E-Cheese's. Perhaps it makes me a bad mother, but I liken a trip to Chuck-E-Cheese's akin to entering the gates of hell. There are too many of other people's children there. And other people tend to forget to supervise their children. So I don't take my kids there, like ever. But of course, so and so from preschool goes there all the freakin' time. So now I am not only a bad mother, but my kid knows it. He's on to me, knowledge gained as part of his preschool education.

  • Why did the chicken cross the road type jokes. Except they make zero sense. Examples: Why did the window cross the road? Cause he wanted to go camping!

  • Saying 'Hey' is for horses! Over and over again. 'Nuff said.

I'm beginning to see why people homeschool. You might go out of your mind trying to do it, but your children will be much less annoying as a result.

1 comment:

Tonya said...

Super funny post Ashley. I loved it and even read it to Josh. He completely agreed about the Stupid thing but I must admit I'm one of those moms who say stupid is a bad word--I'll think twice before saying it again :)